Bubsy appears to be some sort of squirrel, rodent, or other small woodland creature who apparently has discovered modesty, and wears a t-shirt to cover his woodland creature naughty bits. Bubsy also appears not to have any special talents, as all of the buttons just make him jump, though if you hold down "Y" he kind of floats to the ground, so maybe he's a sugar glider or something.
First level, and apparently Bubsy has a thing for balls of yarn. Maybe I had it wrong, and Bubsy is a really weird looking, short-tailed cat? My first death comes at the hand of what I can only describe as a "cootie" type creature. Bubsy dramatically splits in half and looks at me in disappointment before falling off of the screen. Clearly he expected someone with so many years of gaming experience not to be killed by the first enemy in the game...
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| Cootie and the Blowfish. They only wanna killa yoouuuuuuu. |
Things don't get much better as I quickly learn that Bubsy, unlike Mario, Sonic, or any of his other platforming friends, takes massive fall damage, and is actually killed by falling too far down. I think I'm being clever, and jump past a couple enemies, only to watch Bubsy hit the ground, and accordion-body off screen. It seems those massive Bubsy feet are only for show, or maybe just for walking on snow...which isn't in any level so far.
After around 20 deaths, I finally reach level two. I come into contact with these strange crates with labels of pictures of bananas, anvils, and yarn on them. The yarn crates apparently increase my score, so that's nice. Bubsy pushes against the anvil one and it doesn't budge. Jumping on it has no effect either, so I just assume it's too heavy and move on. The banana crates break and spew banana peels everywhere, which to my horror, Bubsy slips on one and slides down into a pit and dies, again. I think, "surely this can't be all this is for" and repeat the horrible death two more times before giving up and moving on. Freaking banana peels.
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| Yeah, yarn is clearly not worth horrible, horrible death. |
I continue my woodland creature's trek and find what looks like a ball of yarn flying on a UFO. I jump up thinking "oh yeah, more collectables!" only to find myself knocked away by the beast in disguise, and guess what, killed again!
At this point I'm convinced that everything in this game can, and will, kill you, but I continue on my way only to fall into water and drown. Seriously!? Come on game, give me a break! To top things off, Bubsy runs incredibly fast so that you close the distance on whatever thing is going to kill you next with un-reactionable speed. I finally get past the water, find a cave, enter it and am transported to the other end, farther through the level. At this point I'm thinking "sweet! a shortcut!" and I continue on my way. Soon I find another cave. I climb in, glad to skip more of this deadly level, only to find that it transports me back to the first cave that I found, with no way to get back other than to re-do everything I had done up to that point. Clearly Bubsy hates me.
I finally make it past all the harrowing jumps over deep, water filled pits only to find a gumball machine. At this point I'm thinking "nice, I wonder what this gives me, candy is never bad!" right before the stupid thing shoots a gumball out at me and, you guessed it, kills me dead. I knew sugar was bad for teeth, but it's apparently deadly to squirrels, or whatever Bubsy is.
I finally come across what I take to be a boss battle. Two UFO balls of twine fly around the screen, yo-yo-ing balls of string underneath them to entice me. Up until this point, balls of string have been good, so I quickly jump up to grab the teased prizes, only to DIE HORRIBLY, big surprise. Eventually faces pop out of the top part of the UFOs, and I jump on their heads, defeating them, completing the level, and bringing honor to my small woodland creature family. Acorns for everyone!
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| Bubsy is all about the balls. |
The next part of the game is set on a fairgrounds. I'm now surrounded by game booths and harassed by the same "cooties" as well as other carnival-type objects such as clowns, cotton candy, and ice cream cones. Inevitably, I soon come "face to cone" with one of these horrendous, frozen treats only to have Bubsy turn a light, white color and be frozen in place . I grumble about another death, but what's this? I'm not dead? It's only a few-second inconvenience? Apparently not everything kills you! That's right kids, ice cream is good for you.
I soon find myself on a roller coaster, Bubsy donning some sweet aviator goggles for the ride. After a short, thrilling ride my cart randomly hits a boot in the middle of the track and I fly backwards onto a new set of tracks. I'm pretty stoked that I didn't get killed on the coaster, and make my way up an incline in the tracks. Next thing I know, a freaking cootie drops a cheese wheel down the hill which rolls my way, hits me, and murders me most dairy-ingly.
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| Come one, come all, to the world's least-fun-park! |
At this point I'm extremely frustrated with Bubsy. I mean, the poor rabbit/cat/squirrel/thing seems to have it out for himself and I'm the only thing actually trying to keep him alive in this world. I'm all for suicide prevention, but jeez oh peez. I wouldn't be surprised if all those balls of yarn he's collecting were to make a noose for himself, the way this game is going!
I feel as though it's time to let the poor varmint rest and put down the controller. I can't get over how many ways you can die in this game. It's almost as if the game developers hated their customers and made a game to punish them. This game was recommended to me by a good friend, and after playing it I can either assume that 1.) he hates me, 2.) he's masochistic, or 3.) he is way better at video games than I ever will be. If nothing else, Bubsy proves that Old Games Are Hard!
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